Sunday, November 11, 2012

Where I Stand Sunday (in heart and mind)

Today, I am grateful for U.S. Vets.
Their service to our country is 
most essential to our freedom.  Today and everyday I stand with them with my heart.  Thank you.

Please read on...

I am walking much better..I need to, or my other joints pay the price...
knees, hips...back.

This morning the back door was frozen shut, last night we had rain and wind and cold.  With each passing day, as we approach colder weather, somewhere inside of me there lives a 'silent gasp'.   I continually think about and fear this back step out of the house, 
especially the black ice that was there last February.  

It's where I fell and broke my ankle, oh so badly.  This morning I am standing there and I am without my ankle brace.  The step area is not frozen for now.  (I had DH check it before I took a step that direction.) I have to continue to think about having to go outside over that step. I will have to eventually step there ~ with ice on it.  I can't stay inside all winter.

Fear is a funny thing.  I don't like having it.  
I don't like vulnerability, either.  Neither one - is ME!

Someone asked me recently if maybe I didn't suffer from PTSD?  
Maybe I do?
I need to get over this..I will continue to work on it.  It is therapeutic to write about it this morning.  That 'gasp' has lessened.  Thanks for listening.


Serena Lewis said...

Lovely tribute for Veteran's Day (Remembrance Day), Pattie.

I'm glad to hear you've doing much better. After a bad accident, or experience, it can take some time to get over it or 'get back in the saddle' as they say. I remember, when we lived in Wyoming, my then-husband used to put some sort of salt crystal mix down on the veranda/patio to break down/dissolve the ice/snow...are you familiar with it? I'm sure you would be. I wondered about it's toxicity but the dog and cat didn't seem to bother with it. I wonder if it would help with that perilous step?? Make you feel a little more safe?

Pattie Wall said...

Thanks Serena, I have researched this, thanks to your reminder here, there is a product called "Safe Paw - Ice Melter" which is safe for pets, the environment, plants...the only thing it says though is that in about 3 days after the snow melts there is a teflon effect on the concrete thus making shoveling easier. Well, I don't need a teflon effect on the surface. I will do more research, because that other salt IS harmful to pets, plus I know from being at schools where it is used, it comes in and ruins the inside floor surfaces with salt residue.
There is also cinders - but that makes a mess when you drag it in on your shoes, maybe sandy gravel will be the solution. I will be writing about it, I bet. Thanks!